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If It Were Easy

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Michael Starr: Guitars, Additional Percussion
Danny Frankel: Percussion
Ed Maxwell: Bass
Phil Parlapiano: Piano
Nate Richert: Harmonica
David Raven: Kick Drum
Teresa James & Chris Pierce: Additional Vocals

Lyrics

Headed home across town Stumble on a shakedown
Panicking I look around Run through an open door
Into a stakeout Where I can make out
Greasy chinese take-out And shells on the floor

The cop says no harm Then tries to kiss my arm
I set off the fire alarm And smack him till he bleeds
His face is raw hash And in my mad dash
I grab his petty cash And sunflower seeds

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
It wouldn’t be for me

He fires a warnin’ It grazes my chin
The blood’s not stoppin’ I’m feeling kinda stressed
Pop into Old Mac’s Order a Johnny Black
But Mac’s having a heart attack So I pound him on the chest

Up comes a cop car Uniforms storm the bar
Pry the pickled egg jar From Mac’s dying grip
Try to resuscitate But it’s just too late
I dive under the sewer grate And give ‘em the slip

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
You know it wouldn’t be for me, no

(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)

I come up all wet Hightail to my sublet
Try to light a cigarette But none of them are dry
And then Aretha sings That’s how my phone rings
Rudy’s got some hot wings Can he come on by

I shower real quick Put on some lipstick
Kick my losing quick pick And crack my toe
Then Rudy’s yellin’ Let me the hell in
And finally I’m tellin’ Today’s tale of woe
‘Cause we both know

If it were easy
If it were easy
If it were easy, easy
It wouldn’t be for me, no no no
It wouldn’t be for me, ah ah ah
It wouldn’t be for me-e-e
It wouldn’t be for me